Pitch Your Burg: Baku

[Pitch Your Burg challenges residents of cities given the short shrift on Gridskipper to convince you, the educated reader, that their metropoli indeed deserve more (or any) coverage. Unedited pitches from city residents or fans of same are presented for your review, followed by a poll. Vote to determine whether the city gets special survey post and subsequent coverage, or the cold, cold shoulder of permanent rejection. If you think your city deserves a shot on Gridskipper, send in your pitch -- 200-300 words, with at least one good, punchy image and as many local links as possible -- to tips@gridskipper.com.]

Challenger 2: Baku, Azerbaijan
by Carpetblogger

A gray canker on the lower lip of the Absheron peninsula, oil-rich Baku combines the aesthetics of Houston, the hospitality of the Soviets, and the progressiveness of a Muslim culture shut off from the world for 70 years.

Nightlife has not recovered since the infamous "Boat Bar" sailed off into the Caspian night, taking with it a thriving community of lice, transvestites, dirty backpackers, and multinational middle management suck-ups. Nevertheless, Baku -- the oasis between Iran and Chechnya -- sustains a thriving scene. Among the main advantages of a country where the rule of law is a gelatinous concept are bars that never close and the availability of exotic delights -- such as continuous drunken loops in a Go-Kart at 3 a.m. -- for those willing to pay the price in Manat and dignity.

Baku has all kinds of bars, as long as they are English, Irish, and Scottish, and any local woman out past 9 p.m. is likely to be a whore. Cognoscenti know that, with startling few exceptions, any bar that requires a descent of more than five steps doubles as a bordello. Notably, most that sit at ground level do as well.

Snaggle-toothed rig monkeys engorged from six weeks on a Caspian platform, spooks, and middle-aged swingers in corporate logo polo shirts rub shoulders in bars like Finnegans, Le Mirage, and Tequila Junction. The latter is run by the offspring of a former U.S. Ambassador with close ties to Azerbaijan's corrupt dictator. Head there to discuss US foreign policy toward neighboring Iran over a game of pool. The crowd is well-versed in some of the more obscure developments. Lubricate conversation by footing the shot tab.

Don't go looking for links -- the dial-up revolution is as entrenched as the current regime. Most sites are equally likely to repel as attract. Here are some helpful dating tips, the Baku Group on Flickr, and the most reliable hotel in the city. With more space, I can elaborate on why there are no casinos in Azerbaijan, tips on laundering your money, and how Azerbaijanis embrace homosexuality -- as long as you're pitching and not catching.

[Check out the competing pitch for Wellington, New Zealand, then vote to pick the best city pitch.]

Previously: Pitch Your Burg: Wellington, Pitch Your Burg: Wellington vs. You, Pitch Your Burg: Grand Rapids Victorious, Pitch Your Burg: Grand Rapids