Intrepidly occasional correspondent Bob Hanifen spent a bit of his holiday weekend in London at the South Kensington branch of easyHotel. His report from deep inside the Big Orange, which was temporarily annexed by Croatian football fans.
OMG! I won't complain. It's $100 US per night, but absolutely no warning that Croatia's soccer team would be playing England tonight, in London, at Wembley. And Croatians fucking love the EasyHotel South Kensington! Who knew?! And Croatia is winning, at this point. Every bar with a TV in town is frigging crazy. This could be a long night.
Last week I was fortunate enough to be treated to lunch at the Zodiac Room, the original Neiman Marcus Department Store restaurant, located on the sixth floor of Neiman's downtown Dallas flagship store, where the luxury chain was founded and is still headquartered. The Zodiac Room is over 50 years old now, and I was chagrined to learn that Neiman Marcus itself will be 100 years old this month and is planning all sorts of fancy shindigs to celebrate. The flagship is dolled up to the nines right now, in its classic mid-century style. I fully expected to find Mad Men'sDon Draper and Rachel Menken engaged in a hot make-out session in the midst of the first floor cosmetics department. More after the jump.
The esteemed magazine that is Timelooks at Dallas, Texas, this week, to report that not only do faggots actually live here, but there might be lots more faggots than anyone thinks. We're talking eastern-most West Hollywood adjacent, or as I like to call it, "Little Sodom on the Prairie." This poofer piece is the product of Dallas's upcoming June mayoral runoff election, in which one of the last two standing candidates is a fudge-packer, albeit a money-laden fudge-packer who may have some baggage that doesn't include women's lingerie. But never mind that. This being Texas, the other candidate, also money-laden, carries just as much baggage, and who knows, maybe his baggage does include select pieces from Victoria's Secret. We can only hope. Come with us now as we briefly peruse Time's Big Dandy, now oddly poised to become the largest American city yet to fall victim to the Gays' hidden agenda.
Well, free from the shackles of the Jacktracker, I headed for London to attend my first official gay wedding. I am only a groomsman because I couldn't be bothered with the fight over who got to be a bridesmaid. Pictured above is a pub in the Clerkenwell neighborhood of London, in which I am staying in a bitching hotel. More on that later. But just let me tell you, this place has free cappuccino on each floor and a vending machine that gives you a Red Bull and vodka with the swipe of your room key. F&*king heaven. The Clerkenwell neighborhood is one of those oh-so-hip places that many may snipe at, but so far I've found it to be quite charming and not too over the top. But then I live in Los Angeles, so how could I ever judge what is "too much?" Anyway, the sun came out in London today, the temp hit about 65 degrees Fahrenheit, and at 5 p.m., the scene above was repeated all over Clerkenwell. Every pub was packed to the rafters, people flowing out to the streets, just getting plowed. It was beautiful. Consider this an early Friday suggestion box, but any places you want me to check in London over the next few days, let me know via tips@gridskipper.com or in the comments below.
A single player correctly identified the admittedly vague photo above as the fenceline around LAX. Only three episodes left of 24's Day 5 (four hours in two single-hour episodes and a two-hour finale), and for once, it's just a few unfortunate diplomats and the nation's integrity at risk as opposed to tens of thousands of unsuspecting civilians. Check tonight's episode of 24, then check Gridskipper Tuesday morning for the latest Jacktracker and Track Jack location photo.
Official contest rules may be found here, but the short version is this: check the weekly Jacktracker posts to ID Mini-Jack's location, and whoever gets it right most often by the end of 24's season wins their very own Mini-Jack (runners-up get miscellaneous 24 and CTU swag). Current contest standings are after the jump.
Sincere apologies for these rankings being late -- too much shisha and shwarma last night. Last week's bonus round saw a minor flurry of guessing, but all in all only a couple players nailed both bonus pics in time to pick up extra points. The first photo taken by "Samson the Hot Tub Bear" at Monrovia Canyon; the bonus photo above was from Machado Lake, home of Reggie the Alligator. Check tonight's episode of 24, then check Gridskipper Tuesday morning for the latest Jacktracker and Track Jack location photo.
Official contest rules may be found here, but the short version is this: check the weekly Jacktracker posts to ID Mini-Jack's location, and whoever gets it right most often by the end of 24's season wins their very own Mini-Jack (runners-up get miscellaneous 24 and CTU swag). Current contest standings are after the jump.
Jack gets into some more animal action in this week's Track Jack photo. But you probably already figured out that was coming. So correctly identify the location of the above photo in 24 hours -- by 10:15 a.m. EDT, Wednesday, May 3, 2006 -- and earn 1 point. This one is basically a gimme, but more bonus rounds may be coming, as soon as the boss and I both arrive back in our respective homelands. He's in Dubai. You'll hear more about my self-created criminalistic drama later this week, in other Gridskipper fluff.
To enter the Track Jack contest, send an email to tips@gridskipper.com identifying the real-world location (not the fictional 24 location name, if any). Guess emails must contain your real name, contact phone number, and a nickname for use in public contest rankings. The player with the most points at the end of 24's season wins the Mini-Jack limited edition action figure, while runners-up get 24 and CTU swag from Fox's Official 24 Store. Check here for full-bore official contest rules. Location answers can be found in the Jacktracker map and its extensive photos, the 24 TV series itself, 24's official website, and Los Angeles in general.
First of all (and totally off the point, as is our way), we got a radically cool and unwarranted fatherly pat-on-the-head from Mr. Evan Katz, one of 24's Executive Producers last week. So from now on, you may only call Mr. Katz, the newest patron saint of Los Angeles, "Sir," "Master," or "Daddy," whichever he chooses. And word up, old media Australian gossip journalists who continue to print stupid f&*%king remarks about what the h&%l we are doing: unlike you, Sir/Master/Daddy Katz totally gets it. So the next time you find us, and ask us what you think is some stupid, snarky, journalistic-ish, know-it-all, but incredibly f*&%king stupid question, that burning smell will not be your overinflated ego, but actually will be the spark of the lead that flew from our glocks (look it up) into the bone marrow of your right kneecap. Jack would want it that way, we are sure. We take our 24 seriously, jerks. Buzz off.
This week's recap and statistics are after the jump.
2 a.m. to 3 a.m.: Not much going on at the Jacktracker map this week, but still one of the most classic episodes of television ever seen.
Chloe tasers the dude trying to get in her pants, and Bill Buchanan calls HSA Miles a "little ass-kisser." OMG -- still laughing. Thanks Master Katz. Keep on keeping on. And that was only the tip of the iceberg of what may be the most classic 60 minutes of action television ever put on air.
Geographic Reality Report, 2 a.m. to 3 a.m.:
1. Jack Bauer, via jet, Van Nuys Municipal Airport, Van Nuys, San Fernanado Valley, Los Angeles, CA, to ___________, and apparently back to a landing, via crash or otherwise, somewhere in L.A.: ___ miles over ___ minutes = ____ mph. Of course we don't know, and we're not going to bother to find out. But because you asked, no commercial flights arrive or land at Van Nuys, let alone at 2 a.m. in the morning, and there is certainly no customs area for passengers there. I do wonder if the flight attendants were charging $5 for whiskey. I would have paid at least $20 for a shot of Jaeger on that flight, even if I was a diplomat. Anyway, who cares? It was beyond great. No time/distance reality breach.
2. Chloe O'Brian, via car, from 5 Valley Vista Circle, Studio City, San Fernando Valley, Los Angeles, CA, to Fairmont Miramar Hotel, Santa Monica, CA: 18 miles over 5 minutes = 216 mph. That's our girl. What little rage you didn't take out on that zippy trip, you took out on the drunk dude at the bar of the snazzy Fairmont Miramar Hotel in Santa Monica. Chloe loses, and we'd give her a spaceship award, but unfortunately those only go to Jack.
*Induced suicides count as kills. 6 characters are MIA, but not confirmed to be dead at this time: Evelyn and Amy Martin, Agent Aaron Pierce, Secretary of Defense William Heller, the "Pilot of Doomed Flight 520 From Van Nuys," and his original co-pilot.
Other Statistics, 2 a.m. to 3 a.m.:
Hard Perimeters Put in Place: 0
Hard Perimeter Breaches: 2
Terrorist Attacks: 2
24 Time/Distance Reality Breaches**: 1
Other Statistics - Day 5 Totals:
Hard Perimeters Put in Place: 5
Hard Perimeter Breaches: 24
Terrorist Attacks: 35
24 Time/Distance Reality Breaches**: 23
**Taking into account supposed time of day, direction, and general LA traffic patterns. Sigalerts and other traffic slowdowns not considered unless depicted in the episode.
Terrorist Threat Level:
Maps and stats get updated every Tuesday or Wednesday.
The morning's first photo in the Track Jack bonus round prompted a flurry of responses, all of which shall be duly recorded and accounted for. As of this writing, the bonus period on this morning's photo has officially expired. You can still ID that photo for 1 point if your guess arrives before 10:15 a.m. EST, Wednesday, April 26. However, above you'll find the super-whammy-special bonus round Track Jack shot -- send your guesses identifying the location of the above photo to tips@gridskipper.com (include your email, phone number, and nickname for public rankings). Correctly identify the location of the photo in 24 hours -- by 3 p.m. EST, Wednesday, April 26 -- and you get 2 points. Do so in 4 hours -- by 7 p.m. EST, Tuesday, April 25 -- and you get 4 points. Go nuts.
To enter the Track Jack contest, send an email to tips@gridskipper.com identifying the real-world location (not the fictional 24 location name, if any). Guess emails must contain your real name, contact phone number, and a nickname for use in public contest rankings. The player with the most points at the end of 24's season wins the Mini-Jack limited edition action figure, while runners-up get 24 and CTU swag from Fox's Official 24 Store. Check here for full-bore official contest rules. It's never too late to enter, as you could be in the running for the grand prize just by speedily nailing the location of today's two Track Jack photos. Location answers can be found in the Jacktracker map and its extensive photos, the 24 TV series itself, 24's official website, and Los Angeles in general.
Will the thrills never stop? Last week, you were treated to the world's worst YouTube video, but most all of you survived. Therefore, like Jack Bauer, you now are officially capable of anything, including the identification of this morning's Track Jack photo. And if you surmise there's a theme running through the next few go-rounds of Track Jack photos, you are smarter than the average bear (you had to know that was coming). Remember folks, it's bonus round time. Send in your guesses as to the location of the above photo to tips@gridskipper.com (include your email, phone number, and nickname for public rankings). Correctly identify the location of the photo in 24 hours -- by 10:15 a.m. EST, Wednesday, April 26 -- and you get 1 point. Do so in 4 hours -- by 2:15 p.m. EST, Tuesday, April 25 -- and you get 2 points. And this afternoon -- sometime after 1 p.m. -- a second Track Jack photo will be posted, with 24-hour and 4-hour point values of 2 and 4 points, respectively. It's down to the wire, episode-wise, so be a patriotic American and guess away.
To enter the Track Jack contest, send an email to tips@gridskipper.com identifying the real-world location (not the fictional 24 location name, if any). Guess emails must contain your real name, contact phone number, and a nickname for use in public contest rankings. The player with the most points at the end of 24's season wins the Mini-Jack limited edition action figure, while runners-up get 24 and CTU swag from Fox's Official 24 Store. Check here for full-bore official contest rules. It's never too late to enter, as you could be in the running for the grand prize just by speedily nailing the location of today's two Track Jack photos. Location answers can be found in the Jacktracker map and its extensive photos, the 24 TV series itself, 24's official website, and Los Angeles in general.
This week's recap and statistics are after the jump.
Suffice to say, this blog's boss is in Vegas, and we're jealous, so like the good citizens of 24's Los Angeles that we aspire to be someday, we violate all the rules when the boss is not around, including his order never to touch a video camera again. So this week's Track Jack contest photo is actually a YouTube Video! Please, hold your applause. If you can't get enough clues by watching the YouTube player above, simply click this YouTube Link, and go directly to the source video, which you can then copy, expand, pause or do whatever the heck you want - it's a free internet. Whatever it takes, just you do it. And no bitching about it.
To enter the Track Jack contest, send an email to tips@gridskipper.com identifying the real-world location (not the fictional 24 location name, if any) at which Mini-Jack is flipping the Italian bird in the YouTube video. Guess emails must contain your real name, contact phone number, and a nickname for use in public contest rankings. You have 24 hours to guess each week's Track Jack location -- guess emails for this week must be received by 10:15 a.m. EDT, on Wednesday, April 19, 2006. The player with the most correct guesses at the end of 24's season wins the Mini-Jack limited edition action figure, while runners-up get 24 and CTU swag from Fox's Official 24 Store.
As you know, the Mini-Jack is gone, gone, gone -- sold out at the factory, and no more to be made -- but you could have him -- anyway you want (far be it from me to judge). Check here for full-bore official contest rules. It's never too late to enter, as we HAVE to offer bonus rounds to even things up, as Cake is kicking everyone else's asses, and good. Anyway, there will be several prizes regardless, so get your guesses in and win something. Location answers can be found in the Jacktracker map and its extensive photos, the 24 TV series itself, 24's official website, and Los Angeles in general. But no, you will not be able to query the snooping storeclerks who disturbed me during this epic Mini-Jack filming, as I had to kill them all to ensure the sanctity of this contest.
This week's recap and statistics are after the jump.
Never fear gang, Mini-Jack is back on the job, after last week's pit stop, as can be evidenced above in the above Track Jack contest photo. To enter the Track Jack contest, send an email to tips@gridskipper.com identifying the real-world location (not the fictional 24 location name, if any) of the above photo as precisely as possible. Guess emails must contain your real name, contact phone number, and a nickname for use in public contest rankings. You have 24 hours to guess each week's Track Jack photo location -- guess emails for this week must be received by 4:35 p.m. EDT, on Wednesday, April 12, 2006. The player with the most correct guesses at the end of 24's season wins the Mini-Jack limited edition action figure, while runners-up get 24 and CTU swag from Fox. BTW, the Mini-Jack is gone, gone, gone -- sold out at the factory, and no more to be made -- but you could have him -- That's Hott. Check here for full-bore official contest rules. It's never too late to enter, as we may offer bonus rounds to even things up, and there will be several prizes regardless. Location answers can be found in the Jacktracker map and its extensive photos, the 24 TV series itself, 24's official website, and Los Angeles in general.
11 p.m. to 12 a.m. was quite the episode for us Jacktrackers. All sorts of people were going everywhere and plotting all types of mischief, as your Gridskipper Jacktracker map now evidences. Quite frankly, it messes up our kill count something good, because terrorists appeared to be cloning themselves, only to get sent back to the lab by Jack, the LAPD, and the Army. Anyway, it was tough to tell who was dying, let alone how many -- but at least it's back to business as usual on 24. The biggest question this episode, which I am sure will be noted in every 24-tracking blog across the known universe, was the following: What the hell was that weird-ass James Bond-ish music that was playing nearly the entire last half of the episode? Darn that was distracting - bring back 24's symphony of sadness -- please -- that's part of our pleasure that should remain undiminished. Anyway, as we now appear to be in Act 3 of this magnificent story, we can only hope we are heading for a Logan-lynching at around 6:45 a.m. Secretary of Defense Heller as President on Day 6? Odder things have happened.
Well, Mini-Jack decided to take a short break this week, and we caught up with him in this week's Track Jack contest photo. Let him be. He's already killed 26 people today, and it's only 2/3 over.
To enter the Track Jack contest, send an email to tips@gridskipper.com identifying the real-world location (not the fictional 24 location name, if any) of the above photo as precisely as possible. Guess emails must contain your real name, contact phone number, and a nickname for use in public contest rankings. You have 24 hours to guess each week's Track Jack photo location -- guess emails for this week must be received by 10:15 a.m. EST on Wednesday, April 5. The player with the most correct guesses at the end of 24's season wins the Mini-Jack limited edition action figure, while runners-up get 24 and CTU swag from Fox. Check here for full-bore official contest rules. It's never too late to enter, as we may offer bonus rounds to even things up, and there will be several prizes regardless. Location answers can be found in the Jacktracker map and its extensive photos, the 24 TV series itself, 24's official website, and Los Angeles in general.
O.K., 10 p.m. to 11 p.m. I wondered what would happen when Jack blew up the remaining nerve gas in beautiful bay-side Redondo Beach. Now we know. Boy, up until the last minute, I thought we might get through another hour of 24 without a kill. That was a stupid thought -- although we may need to add a Wayne kill count now that he's catching up with Curtis. And at least my stove's pilot light is working again, now that the local natural gas pressure is back up -- because I just may need to stick my head in the oven sometime before the end of Day 5 if you Jackfact-checkers stay all up in my shorts.
By that I mean that it is with my sincerest apologies that I admit to mistakenly shorting the kill count for 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. -- by 4 to be exact, 2 civilians and 2 terrorists. The kill count has been adjusted accordingly. So get off my case, and make yourselves useful by reading a good map or something. Oh gees, just kidding -- kisses ya'll. This week's statistics are after the jump.
And from the first L.A. Letter I ever wrote, posted on August 30, 2005, I quote:
The two main culprits here appear to be, firstly, Amanda Scheer-Demme ("ASD," which sounds rather like an STD, and we wouldn't doubt the similarity), who supposedly thought up this Tropicana hellhole, although her IMDB bio is rather cryptic -- she's a "lifestyle producer," ya'll, get it -- on exactly how she got around to "lifestyling" gay bathhouses as bars for breeders. The second suspect is Dodd Mitchell, the design "genius" behind this Hollywood Roosevelt crapfest.... So, I say to you two: game on, be-yotches. KLo and the BoHan have made a bloody thumb-press to mercilessly make fun of anything you do from here to eternity, like that's even going to challenge us. And because ASD and DM (definitely some sort of disease) apparently don't read their own press, we are going to have so much fun ridiculing your efforts that you will be shit in this town in six months, we're guessing, or the useful lifetime of the Tropicana Bar, which undoubtedly will be much shorter.
So I wasn't entirely off the mark when I launched that profanity-filled invitation to dance, because ASD, the main culprit, is now gone. Mind you, I have no problem with celebrity-fellating clipboard holders like ASD and the idiots who worship her, but they should do it on their own turf, not on the borrowed grounds of a public hotel, pissing off visiting tourists by the thousands.
Game on, guys and girls. Have a gander at this week's Track Jack contest photo, for which you may actually have to do some research on the Jacktracker map. To enter the Track Jack contest, send an email to tips@gridskipper.com identifying the real-world location (not the fictional 24 location name, if any) of the above photo as precisely as possible. Guess emails must contain your real name, contact phone number, and a nickname for use in public contest rankings. You have 24 hours to guess each week's Track Jack photo location -- guess emails for this week must be received by 10:15 a.m. EST on Wednesday, March 29. The player with the most correct guesses at the end of 24's season wins the Mini-Jack limited edition action figure, while runners-up get 24 and CTU swag from Fox. Check here for full-bore official contest rules. It's never too late to enter, as we may offer bonus rounds to even things up, and there will be several prizes regardless. Location answers can be found in the Jacktracker map and its extensive photos, the 24 TV series itself, 24's official website, and Los Angeles in general.
Much work has gone into updating the Jacktracker in the last few days, and some new waypoints and some of your old favorites, such as Forest Lawn Cemetery, are over-filling with new content. Speaking of which, we may soon have to start burying 24's newly-dead at other Los Angeles cemeteries, as we are bound to be running out of space at Forest Lawn. Episode recap and stats after the jump.
Enjoy this week's Track Jack contest photo. It's basically a freebie. But in the following weeks, Mini-Jack will be veering back into 24's less familiar Los Angeles terrain, so get your points while you can. To enter the Track Jack contest, send an email to tips@gridskipper.com identifying the real-world location (not the fictional 24 location name, if any) of the above photo as precisely as possible. Guess emails must contain your real name, contact phone number, and a nickname for use in public contest rankings. You have 24 hours to guess each week's Track Jack photo location -- guess emails for this week must be received by 10:15 a.m. EST on Wednesday, March 22. The player with the most correct guesses at the end of 24's season wins the Mini-Jack limited edition action figure, while runners-up get 24 and CTU swag from Fox. Check here for full-bore official contest rules. It's never too late to enter, as we may offer bonus rounds to even things up, and there will be several prizes regardless. Location answers can be found in the Jacktracker map and its extensive photos, the 24 TV series itself, 24's official website, and Los Angeles in general.
The big news this week on 24 -- nobody died! But they sure know how to clear 55 nerve-gas contaminated bodies out of CTU in record time -- the only dead person I saw still hanging around was Soulpatch (Tony). Anyway, despite the lack of carnage, there was lots of traveling to map on the Jacktracker, including a trip to the not-so-swanky Van Nuys Municipal Airport and to the oh-so-swanky Park Hyatt Hotel in Century City -- I think. The scene may have actually been filmed next door at Fox Tower (which also blew up in the original Die Hard movie) -- hard to tell because it's nighttime in 24-land right now, and both buildings have that helicopter pad "10" painted on top. I thought those pad numbers were supposed to be unique, in that they are used to locate and rescue people in your typical daily LA skyscraper disaster, but go figure. Word up, chopper rescue teams -- when you're in this neighborhood, look for the smoke and debris, not the pad number. This week's statistics are after the jump.
Just when I thought 24's best hours were behind it, this week's episode grabs me by the testicles and takes me on the wildest two-hour Los Angeles adventure of my couch potato life, geographically and otherwise. The Jacktracker map may crash under the weight of all this new information. Day 5 is only half over, and yet, the terrorists have enough super-stink-gas left to pummel one or two LA landmarks every hour for the rest of the season. It's worth noting that sometimes the real LA and 24's LA do intersect. And by that, I mean: guess who reappeared this week? Kim Bauer, Jack's daughter? True, but I was thinking of every 24 fan's best friend, who breached a hard perimeter at an Altadena residence, obviously on his way to the nearby elementary school to order an appetizer before a main course of sushi-Kim. Pray he returns. After the jump, enjoy this week's Track Jack contest photo and episode stats.
You know, I guess unless innocent civilians are dying, 24 loses some of its edge, as was the case from 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. But double OMG, Gridskipper has the solution -- you'll never believe it -- yes, a contest -- who would have thought? Presenting the Track Jack Contest, and the grand prize: your own limited edition Jack Bauer action figure, pictured above in his first location shot. Mini-Jack, as we like to call him, is available only in Japan, but we imported him through a method only you Gridskipper readers, the most sophisticated of world travelers, will ever be able to replicate. And because he's limited in edition, unless you plan on gridskipping to the Far East in the next couple of weeks, these babies will be gone, gone, gone. And finally, it goes without saying that with the Yen currently trading ridiculously high against the dollar, Mini-Jack didn't come cheap. Thus, acquiring him won't be easy.
Each week, you'll need to check the Jacktracker post on Tuesday or Wednesday mornings for the Track Jack location shot, taken somewhere in Los Angeles. Send in your guess to tips@gridskipper.com as to Mini-Jack's whereabouts in the location shot; include your name, a nickname (for public rankings), phone number, and the exact location in the location photo. See that photo at the top of this post? Identifying that location -- as exactly as possible -- is your first assignment. You must supply the real name of the location, not any name given on 24. Oh, and we should mention: you have only 24 hours to send in guesses after each Jacktracker post and Track Jack location photo is published on Gridskipper. That means you have until 3:25 p.m. EST, Wednesday, March 1, 2006, to ID the location above. Check here for full-bore official contest rules.
What can you do with a Mini-Jack besides add him to your Kiefer shrine and photograph him in ridiculous location shots? Well, for one, you can terrorize slutty dachshunds into abstention ... That New Orleans ho hasn't been sleeping around since Mini-Jack took her hostage. But not only is there the grand prize of Mini-Jack, there will be a crapload of 24 and CTU logo swag for the runners-up, which we procured through our many moles at Fox Studios in Los Angeles. We're talking hats, mousepads, notepads, pilsner glasses (a tribute to the real Kiefer Sutherland), coffee mugs, stickers, and t-shirts. This week's location shot is easy, but to be fair to our global audience, it will only get tougher folks. Clues can be gained from the Jacktracker map, as it is updated from week to week, the 24 TV series itself, and 24's official website.
Last Thursday night, the staff of LA.com, the best Internet guide yet devised to cover everything that is Los Angeles, devised an ingenious way to get drunk free, while purportedly promoting its great new guide to downtown LA nightlife. Procure one of the two hottest new bars anywhere in Los Angeles, find a new brand of vodka ready to shill itself, and then invite yourself and all your friends! A smashed smashing idea that worked royally. I plan LA's Gridskipper Gratis Tequila Toga Party at this very moment (no undergarments allowed). Actually, it wasn't just LA.com and their friends. It was a much more democratic affair, free of LA class warfare and velvet rope attitude, with the prettiest bar and friendliest bunch of people and bar staffers I've met in eons in this town. But enough with that. We know you just want to look at vodka-sodden drunks getting photographed. So here we go, after the jump.
I must admit I am sometimes a bad citizen when it comes to my adopted hometown, Baja Santa Monica, California (a.k.a. Venice Adjacent). Take for example, Bergamot Station, a converted train station in eastern Santa Monica that houses the Santa Monica Museum of Art, over 30 galleries, and some restaurants, stores, and other paraphernalia. I have always avoided this place like the plague because I just didn't think that the same locale could hold contemporary art of the type I can afford and Santa Monica, one of the most expensive pieces of real estate in the United States. I would visit, get envious of all the wonderful stuff on display, and then just get depressed because I couldn't afford any of it. So much to my chagrin, it takes a visit by the New York Times and the current exhibition at the Santa Monica Museum of Art -- "Dark Places" -- to convince me to give Bergamot Station the once-over. I have been missing much. I owe you again, Gray Lady. More after the jump.
This week, 24 actually jumped back into reality somewhat, with real and fake locations that were fairly jacktrackerable and deaths that were pretty easy to count. Of course, the big nonsensical plot point has developed as follows: If the Russian President and his Mrs. flew to President Logan's Hidden Valley retreat in a helicopter, why are they taking a limo back to the "Airport" (location to be disclosed)? Did the Governator fly them there in his bird, and then leave to go play golf? And why the hell are they going down the 118 (unpopularly renamed the Ronald Reagan Memorial Freeway) to get back to the "Airport," which makes no sense whatsoever, given the location of Hidden Valley and all airports nearby. Check your Jacktracker map this week to see what we mean. BTW, you can directly subscribe to Gridskipper's 24 Jacktracker RSS feed here. That way, if I'm late with the post again, you won't be clicking around trying to find me --- but you know, you should be doing that anyway. We at Gridskipper are a worldly bunch, and we know you'll fit right in with our crew. Tons of extra excitement in the coming weeks, including astounding prizes. So stay tuned. Statistics after the jump.
This week, 24 went into a complete alternate reality, with no location coming even remotely close to where logic dictates they should be. So the Jacktracker has some real issues with trying to figure out where anybody went this week and how long it took them to get there, let alone how many people died along the way. Bitch-session and statistics, after the jump.
Now that I've become a celebrity cartographer, my life is filled with endless Wayfarer Jacktracker map signings and IM interviews with jealous bloggers throughout the known universe. This makes me sad, in a way, because it leaves me little time to devote to the notorious LA Letter (at least if you ask the dipshits from the Nomadic Museum). It also leaves me little time to devote to righting the wrongs being inflicted on my fair City of Angels by idiot entertainment industry wannabes from across the globe. Fortunately, the author's psychotically self-imagined genius for snark and foul language were little called for last Saturday night, as the she-wolf and I had the most wonderful southern-style meal I've had since my days in the actual Deep South, at the most unlikeliest of places, Memphis Restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard, Hollywood, California, within spitting distance of such over-priced, unworthy atrocities as Geisha House, the Dakota, and Sterling Steakhouse. More praise for Memphis after the jump.
The most exciting development of the past week -- Jacktracker is now a celebrity! Check it out -- only the biggest, best, and most exciting Internet developments of all time ever make it into Entertainment Weekly. It's right there at #7 on the "Must List" -- between How to Dress for Every Occasion by the Pope and Steven Soderbergh's Bubble -- as you can clearly see. In other exciting news, from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. on Day 5, Jack doesn't travel much, but lots of people still die. The terrorists went to an undisclosed location in LA, and killed a motorcycle repairman named Cal. Oh, and Logan got slapped, it looks like Kim will be back sooner than we'd hoped, and Lynn McGill has a crack-head sister! Whew. Statistics after the jump.
Oh, I jest -- some of my favorite things are located in Silverlake. But my favorite, deceased LA surf-punk-anarchist beach blog, Decadent West, thought that headline up, and I think it works. It has nothing to do with geography, but instead has to do with people who have learned to accept, albeit unwillingly, the inherent hypocrisies in their lives, and those who deny that such hypocrisies could ever exist (even though they obviously do). Bottom line, geography has little to do with it, as people in both of those schools of thought exist everywhere, not just in Silverlake.
But with the past two weeks seeing both PhotoLA and ArtLA happening in Dogtown (a section of Venice and Santa Monica made somewhat famous in books and movies by 1970s-era skateboard rebels), the geographical origin of that theory has unfortunately surfaced, once again; i.e., the predictable, provincial, central LA hipster snipping has come out, even from bloggers and journalists whose beats supposedly include all of LA, not just the 323.
In other, equally exciting news, we present this week's edition of the Jacktracker: Jack Bauer travels from CTU to President's Logan's retreat in Hidden Valley, California -- Hell rains down. The nerve-gas packing terrorists travel only 8 miles, from the Vincent Thomas Bridge in San Pedro, to Pier F, at the Port of Long Beach. 18 further hours of terrorist activity suddenly make sense!
How can we top all that? Well, your Gridskipper moles breached President Logan's Hidden Valley Retreat hard perimeter this weekend! And we have the video to prove we can triangulate. Granted, we probably won't get hired by CTU anytime soon, but who wants to? People die in that place -- incessantly. After the jump, hang on for a wild ride through suburban Ventura County, plus this week's mortality statistics.
How much do I hate Fox TV's American Idol? About as much as I love Fox TV's 24, which is indefinably expansive. But you probably don't care, as the AI juggernaut of tastelessness apparently appeals to 35 million Americans whose lust for sheer baseless cruelty confuses and hurts me -- they must be Republicans. So I'll indulge you -- once. Here's how you get a ticket to a live American Idol taping in Los Angeles, if you're very lucky, and can get to LA on short notice. (tapings start in March). Go to the On Camera Audiences website, choose that show, fill out a profile, and they'll put you on a waiting list. Lie about your age and sex if you are anything other than a horny, immature teenage girl under the age of 17 who lusts after serial-killer-to-be Constantine Mouralis. If you are lucky enough to be selected by OCA, they will email you with details about the taping to which you are invited. Act fast. It's first come, first served. As the season progresses, the venues get bigger, and so does the demand. That's it. Have fun -- not.
Jack Bauer is back, and so is Gridskipper's Jacktracker. Back so quickly, you say? Well folks, we're in real time. It's 11 a.m.-12 p.m. in 24's alternate reality. Here we go:
Episode in a Nutshell: Terrorists + hoax hostage = SWAT: Destination -- Port of Los Angeles. Newly discovered hard perimeter breached -- oh brother. Moscow mischief planned. Nerve gas by boat to Moscow? What happened to air transport? Gridskipper LA correspondent confused. Curtis tricked. Rat dead. Plot plotted. Logan livid. Evelyn lectured -- again. Martha pouts. Walt plots -- again. Mike concerned. LA evacuation scenarios -- not again! Spenser spats. Chloe counters. (Spenser + Sidekick of Evil + Walt) = Moles = So what's new at CTU? Audrey meets Diane -- Catfight! Chloe - Torn between three lovers (Jack, Edgar, Spenser)? Spenser pulls the unoriginal clearance level 3 vs. 5 trick -- oh brother -- busted dude -- no more Chloe clearance for you. Jack framed! Impossible -- Not. Perished Palmer puzzler pounced upon. (Audrey - Husband) + (Jack & Diane) = Jack ball-busted by Audrey. Hank = IT Help Desk of Evil = What's new in corporate America? Walt Cummings cunning -- manifest machinations! Vector counts = critical -- what? Martha omniscient. Evelyn, quit now! Spenser set-up = Happy Edgar. No Xb Spenser, you moron -- Spenser, don't f*ck with Chloe. F*ck Gridskipper LA correspondent instead. Martha -- she-gone. (Evelyn + another lecture) = (Evelyn go for "Flank 2, Flank 2," dammit!). Pierce pissed -- again. (Pierce + Evelyn) = desperately needed subordinates' sex-session. Walt revealed -- already? Hank, the IT help desk of evil = Dr. Paulson. Jack knows a Hank in side-view mirror closer than he appears -- and dangerous. Revenge on IT help desk! Millions of Americans cheer! Spenser comes clean -- innocent? Walt's busted ... or not. More to come at 12 p.m., Day 5. Statistics after the jump.
About Gridskipper
Gridskipper is a blog about travel and leisure, written especially for urban dwellers who appreciate the need to get off the grid from time to time. More About...
Intrepidly occasional correspondent Bob Hanifen spent a bit of his holiday weekend in London at the South Kensington branch of easyHotel. His report from deep inside the Big Orange, which was temporarily annexed by Croatian football fans.
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Last week I was fortunate enough to be treated to lunch at the 
The esteemed magazine that is Time 
On to Paris. 
Well, free from the shackles of the 
A single player correctly identified the admittedly vague photo above as the fenceline around LAX. Only three episodes left of 24's Day 5 (four hours in two single-hour episodes and a two-hour finale), and for once, it's just a few unfortunate diplomats and the nation's integrity at risk as opposed to tens of thousands of unsuspecting civilians. Check tonight's episode of 24, then check Gridskipper Tuesday morning for the latest Jacktracker and Track Jack location photo. 
Sincere apologies for these rankings being late -- too much shisha and shwarma last night. Last week's bonus round saw a minor flurry of guessing, but all in all only a couple players nailed both bonus pics in time to pick up extra points. The 
2 a.m. to 3 a.m.: Not much going on at the 
Chloe tasers the dude trying to get in her pants, and Bill Buchanan calls HSA Miles a "little ass-kisser." OMG -- still laughing. Thanks Master Katz. Keep on keeping on. And that was only the tip of the iceberg of what may be the most classic 60 minutes of action television ever put on air. 
Will the thrills never stop? Last week, you were treated to the world's worst 
Never fear gang, Mini-Jack is back on the job, after last week's pit stop, as can be evidenced above in the above Track Jack contest photo. To enter the Track Jack contest, send an email to 
Well, Mini-Jack decided to take a short break this week, and we caught up with him in this week's 
Game on, guys and girls. Have a gander at this week's 
Enjoy this week's 
Just when I thought 24's best hours were behind it, this week's episode grabs me by the testicles and takes me on the wildest two-hour Los Angeles adventure of my couch potato life, geographically and otherwise. The 
You know, I guess unless innocent civilians are dying, 24 loses some of its edge, as was the case from 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. But double OMG, Gridskipper has the solution -- you'll never believe it -- yes, a contest -- who would have thought? Presenting the Track Jack Contest, and the grand prize: your own 
Last Thursday night, the staff of 
I must admit I am sometimes a bad citizen when it comes to my adopted hometown, Baja Santa Monica, California (a.k.a. Venice Adjacent). Take for example, 
This week, 24 actually jumped back into reality somewhat, with real and fake locations that were fairly jacktrackerable and deaths that were pretty easy to count. Of course, the big nonsensical plot point has developed as follows: If the Russian President and his Mrs. flew to President Logan's Hidden Valley retreat in a helicopter, why are they taking a limo back to the "Airport" (location to be disclosed)? Did the Governator fly them there in his bird, and then leave to go play golf? And why the hell are they going down the 118 (unpopularly renamed the Ronald Reagan Memorial Freeway) to get back to the "Airport," which makes no sense whatsoever, given the location of Hidden Valley and all airports nearby. Check your 
Now that I've become a 
Oh, I jest -- some of my favorite things are located in Silverlake. But my favorite, deceased LA surf-punk-anarchist beach blog, Decadent West, thought that headline up, and I think it works. It has nothing to do with geography, but instead has to do with people who have learned to accept, albeit unwillingly, the inherent hypocrisies in their lives, and those who deny that such hypocrisies could ever exist (even though they obviously do). Bottom line, geography has little to do with it, as people in both of those schools of thought exist everywhere, not just in Silverlake. 
How much do I hate Fox TV's 
