Faena Hotel + Universe Spa

Perhaps eager to resurrect the glamour myth of Buenos Aires's Faena Hotel + Universe that was deflated by Matt Chesterton earlier this year (i.e. pool customer profile: "paunchy Miami software tycoon with matted chest hair who looked like Ron Jeremy after a long day's shoot"), the Times UK breaks out every imaginable Buenos Aires cliché to describe the Faena's spa. The locals are "beautiful and stylish", "immaculately turned out and scarily skinny," and "spend all their time dieting to fit into the ludicrously tight drain pipes." Happily, on a literary level, the Times correspondent allows some of the exotic weirdness of the Philippe Starck-designed spa to seep through.

My therapist, Ramon expertly applied oils made up of chamomile, myrrh, grapeseed and lavender to my body and for my face the lighter sandalwood, avocado, wheatgerm and rose oils. They smelt so delicious and his massage was so relaxing that I dozed on and off for most of the treatment and floated into the next one -- the tourist special, a wine therapy.

I was laid out on a slab with some suspicious looking jets dangling over my head and smeared with grape seeds, which are meant to have an anti-aging affect. I was then rubbed down by a very lovely Argentinean lady called Vicki until my skin was baby soft. The next bit was a body mask made out of grape extracts, and when it was dry the water jets started to swab me down.

Faena Hotel + Universe Spa, Buenos Aires, Argentina [Times UK]